


green where my red love lies

by blackbirdfly0128



Category: 9-1-1 (TV), 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020), Station 19 (TV)
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Adoption, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Fix-It, Foster Care, Found Family, I'm not mad about it, M/M, POV Jack Gibson, Reunions, Self-Esteem Issues, aren't we?, but just where have they ended up?, in this house Jack gets his family damn it, remember those wildfires from season 2?, this is becoming a Jack & Travis buddy movie on the side, we really are connected to EVERY firefam, well let's pretend they happened in season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:42:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24794080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackbirdfly0128/pseuds/blackbirdfly0128
Summary: For one shining year, Jack had a family. And while a fire took his parents away, there's still hope that he can find his brother and sister. He's just not sure he's worth finding.Inspired bythis tumblr postby AO3 userBellakitseentitled "100 Ways to Say I Love You"Title from Novo Amour's "Colourway," from episode 3x01
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 131





	1. twenty years, a little late

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [All the ways to love you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23301244) by [Bellakitse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellakitse/pseuds/Bellakitse). 



> Hi everyone! I've had the idea for this story for a long time, so I thought I would just write it to get it out of my head. This is definitely a secondary project right now, as I have another WIP, but as inspiration strikes there will definitely be updates. And who knows, this could turn into a crossover too. 
> 
> After all, it's been 20 years since Jack has seen his siblings. A lot can change in that time...

When Jack was young, he had one shining year. For one year, he didn’t have to hide in abandoned buildings or put on a brave face with people who couldn’t be bothered to learn his name. For that one incredible year, he had a family. A mom, a dad, a sister, and a brother.

And then all at once, he didn’t have anyone anymore.

He’ll never forget that night; he’ll never forget the fire, or the way it felt to watch all he had left in the world torn away from him in the back of two different minivans, leaving him with nothing to look forward to but another 12 years of being alone.

When he tries to sleep at night, he dreams of that family, remembering the cake they tried to bake for his mom’s birthday. He remembers Lila’s laugh. The way Cal used to cling to him in his sleep. Sometimes he wakes up and finds himself clutching at the pillow, hoping in that place between awake and asleep that his family has been with him all along. But then the klaxons sound, jerking him awake, and he remembers where he is- with the family he chose. Because the family that chose him doesn’t exist anymore.

Even if he still catches himself looking for Lila in the backseat of every car he passes, or looking for Cal in the tunnel at the park when he and Dean take Pru for a walk. That was his favorite hiding spot when they were kids. Cal always told Jack that if he ever ran away, that would be the first place he’d go. But it’s been 20 years. He would have come by now.

And anyway; it’s a warm day, it’s their day off, and Vic and Dean and Travis are bickering with each other like they’ve got nothing better to do with the rest of their lives than antagonize one another. Jack tries to get in on it, he really does, but the truth is, he _does_ have something better to do. He could go looking for them. But every time he thinks about it, he just resorts back to the same spiral he told Maya about- it’s complicated. There are lots of feelings and lives and two fucking decades between him and the boy he was, let alone wherever Cal and Lila are. It’s a lot to think about; he’s not even sure if they want to be found. Jack’s not sure he wants them to meet _him_ \- it’s not exactly like they’re missing much.

Besides, it’s a beautiful day, and even if the twenty years feel like a crushing weight on his shoulder, Jack’s not alone. Maybe they aren’t, either.

Maybe they are. Maybe they are and they don’t want to be, or maybe they _do_. Jack’s not sure what would be worse.

Like he told Maya: it’s complicated.

\-----

No. 13: _Sorry I’m late_

Jack wakes up that morning, trying his hardest not to cry. Just a moment ago, he was celebrating his adoption day with his family. Lila was taking pictures and laughing so hard she was crying. Cal was trying to sneak his finger through the icing to get a taste while their parents were too busy hugging Jack to even notice; or if they did, they didn’t care. They were finally a family in the eyes of the law. No one could take them away from him. Nothing could.

Nothing except fire. And waking up. The hole in his chest feels just a little bit wider as he sits down with his coffee and muffin in the Beanery. Hughes must see his gears turning, the same way that she sees just about everything. But like Hughes, she doesn’t say anything, because she doesn’t have to. She just sits next to him in her bright red chair, piping mug of coffee in front of her, as she reaches over and snags some of his muffin. Jack doesn’t have it in him to protest. Hughes notices.

“Another dream?” she asks around her bite of muffin. Jack’s voice isn’t working. He just nods his head. He feels like he might just collapse at the shoulders. But Vic takes it like she takes anything, and starts rattling off nonsense that she knows Jack isn’t really hearing. But it makes the air feel less lonely and he’s grateful for it.

Hughes knows that Jack has...vivid dreams from time to time. Hell, the whole station does. Especially since the skyscraper fire; at least, that’s when they all think it started. But the dreams started the night after he lost everything, and not once since has he told anyone what he dreams of. They’ve been more powerful lately, though, since Captain Herrera died. Jack’s pretty sure it’s the loss of another father figure in his life. But he’s lost fathers before. He knows he can, and will, survive.

But he also wishes that he could have some people who would actually stick around long enough for the dreams to stop.

But the dreams don’t ever stop, and Jack knows just how painful dwelling on the past can be. He’ll never let himself forget about Cal and Lila, though, so he’ll take the pain if it means that there’s any way to keep them with him. And when he has to wake up, he’s glad to have Hughes there to sip her coffee and eat his muffin and just be with him, even if she doesn’t know everything. He’s grateful to all of 19, really, even if he’ll never be able to tell them just how big the hole is inside him that he’s trying so hard to fill.

Two decades away from an entirely different life.

Lila’s eyes used to crinkle around the edges when she laughed. Jack used to tickle her just so he could see it. She was so easy to tease. So full of life.

When the klaxons sound, he doesn’t even notice that he leaves behind a full mug, still steaming.

\-----

Jack tries not to see Cal when he looks at Marcus, or see his own life reflected in this broken home. He tries not to wonder if it was a situation like what he just saw- if it was abuse that led him to a life without the family he was born into. They’re a mystery and they always have been. Ever since he was old enough to know what family really was, he hasn’t spared them a moment’s thought, not really. That doesn’t mean he hasn’t had questions, though. But that’s a question he will never have answers to, so he just stalks out of the Turnout Room and into the Barn, hoping for a second to catch his breath.

Cal had this dream of being a famous baseball player. At least, that’s the explanation he gave Jack when he asked why he slept with a bat under his bed. Jack knew he was lying, but he learned a long time ago when it’s better to pretend that a lie is the truth. Afterall, it’s what he told his team for the better part of a year: I’m fine. I’m not triggered. I’m not terrified of being trapped.

And it’s not like he hasn’t been telling the team since Day 1 that he’s proud of who he is now. That he’s proud of the man he’s become. Because he knows that’s the biggest lie of all.

If he really was the kind of man he wanted to be, he wouldn’t have let his family get split up. He would have kept them together, he would have protected them. But Lila and Cal were rounded up in minivans, never to be seen again, and Jack has never stopped hating himself for letting it happen. 

There’s no way he’s going to let it happen again. So he’ll jump through whatever hoops he has to to convince everyone that he’s fine. He’s not losing 19.

He’s lost enough.

\----

When it happens, Jack is trying to teach Ben the finer points in foosball. Dean is trying to pretend like he isn’t openly staring at the back of Vic’s head. He’s failing. Vic and Maya are busy cooking meals to bring to Andy. Jack can hear Travis on the elliptical from all the way down the hall, which probably has something to do with the fact that he and Emmett are avoiding each other every chance they get. Emmett’s been riding reception the past few days. Jack’s not sure if Maya benching him has something to do with making enemies with his dad, but that doesn’t seem like the kind of thing she would do. Maya doesn’t tend to hold people accountable for the actions of others. But that just makes Jack worry about what else could possibly going on.

Emmett’s voice cuts through the radio, pulling Jack from his thoughts. 

_Lieutenant Gibson, there’s a woman down here at reception who wants to talk to you. She says it’s important. She won’t see anyone but you._

Ben gives him a questioning look. “You expecting someone?” he asks. Jack shrugs.

“Apparently someone was expecting _me_ ,” he says. Groaning a little, Jack pulls himself up and moves towards the stairs.

 _Alright, Probie. I’ll be right down_.

When he reaches reception, for a moment he’s not quite sure if he’s awake or if he fell asleep at some point, because he could almost swear that he knows the woman standing in front of him- her blonde hair, her freckles, the twist in her mouth. She’s taller now, and thin, but not sickly. Healthy. And she’s looking at him with this face that he remembers, the one that begged him not to run, even though that’s what he’s spent the last twenty years doing. Doing everything he can to run from that night, because he’s pretty sure the woman standing in front of him is--

_“Lila?”_

_“Hi Jack. Sorry I’m late.”_


	2. i don't know where we went

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? Two consecutive days of uploads? What can I say, I was feeling the itch. Anyway, here's another chapter for you. I hope you enjoy! (Title again comes from Novo Amour's "Colorway")
> 
> oh boy, do I have plans for this one ;)

No. 64: _It’s two sugars, right?_

Jack’s pretty sure time stops. Or sped up, maybe. That was the only explanation, right? That his sister was here, whole and grown up and _here_. Right in front of him.

Is this what breathing feels like?

Jack isn’t even sure what he’s supposed to say, here. Sure, he imagined a moment like this a thousand times, in those brief moments in the dark where he let himself dream, but not this moment. He never saw this. He never saw Lila being the one to find him.

“ _How- how did you find me?_ ” he asks, his hands fumbling with the signs. 

Her bright blue eyes start to water. “ _I saw the news report about your captain. They talked about the station. I saw your name and your picture. I wasn’t sure if you’d even be here or want to see me but I-_ ”

Whatever she’s about to say is cut off when Jack pulls her into his chest. They both hold on for dear life. It’s like those twenty years just melted and they’re kids again. Like it’s just a quiet moment on a normal day where they’re just so grateful to be together.

Jack’s glad to know that hasn’t changed.

Eventually, Jack absently registers the sound of footsteps descending behind him, but all he can think about is how tall Lila is now and how her blonde hair smells like the same strawberry shampoo. 

That is, until Emmett starts to stir uncomfortably.

“Uh, hey Travis-” he mutters as Jack pulls his face away from where it was tucked in Lila’s shoulder.

Ignoring him, as he seems to do all the time now, Travis turns to Jack. “What’s, uh, going on here?”

Pulling away from Lila just enough to wipe his eyes, he looks to Montgomery. “ _Travis, this is my sister Lila_. _Lila, this is my friend Travis._ ”

“ _Nice to meet you,_ ” she says with a brilliant smile, holding her hand out to Travis, who has to try really hard to look like his eyebrows haven’t permanently adhered themselves to his hairline. He fails.

“Likewise. I’m sorry, Jack never mentioned he had a sister.”

“ _We, uh, we got separated a long time ago,_ ” Jack says honestly, trying to keep the crushing guilt that it’s been so long since they’ve been together, and the fact that he hasn’t even told his friends about her, from closing in on him.

“ _I saw about your captain on the news. That’s how I found out where Jack was. I’m very sorry for your loss.”_

“Thank you, Lila. I’m sorry that it couldn’t be under better circumstances, but I’m really glad you were able to find him.”

_“Yeah?”_ Jack can’t keep himself from asking.

Travis meets his eyes evenly, with nothing but acceptance written on his face.

“Yeah.”

It’s simple, really, when you think about it. Everyone at the 19 is family. It doesn’t matter that sometimes there are secrets and fights and inappropriate hookups. Politics and professionalism. Signing up at 19 meant more than just a willingness to run into burning buildings, it was about doing it _together_. As a team. _This_ team, this family. That’s what they were, really. Family. A family that Jack signed up for, and one that signed up for whatever he had to bring to the table. Even if that meant secret foster siblings from a million years ago. 

So yeah, it really was just that simple.

Around them, the klaxons went off, cutting their conversation short. For the first time at hearing those bells, Jack’s stomach dropped out; part of him was afraid that if he left on this call, he would never see of hear from Lila again. 

While the rest of the team was too busy running to the Barn to pay them any mind, Travis came up with a plan.

“Listen, stay here. Watch the front desk. I’ll put Probie on Aid Car with me. Let’s go!” he called the last part out to Emmett. For half a second he looked dumbstruck, but at the sound of the Aid Car’s horn he scrambled after the rest of the team with just enough time to grab his turnouts before the rig left without him.

For a minute, he just looked at her- still the same blonde hair and blue eyes, still the same easy smile. But Jack knew that something was different; it had to be. He didn’t know a single thing that had happened to her between getting in that car and her showing up at the station. They needed to talk, but they couldn’t do that if Jack was chained to the desk. They needed to go somewhere with at least a little bit of privacy.

“Hey Cutler,” he called to one of the OT guys they had called in to cover for Andy. “Watch the desk for me?”

“Sure thing.”

“ _Come on_ ,” he leaned in conspiratorially and took her hand. 

He led Lila upstairs to the Beanery. Jack figured that since most everyone on duty had just left on a call, the place was likely to be pretty empty for a while.

_“I don’t know about you, but I could use some coffee,”_ Jack said, already walking towards the coffee pot.

“God _yes_ ,” she practically whines.

“ _Glad to see you’re still a drama queen,”_ he chuckles. _“Two sugars, right?”_

Lila nods, and Jack remembers the same look on her face in the kitchen at their old house. Sure they were 12, but foster kids with sleep problems are pretty common, so they got pulled into coffee pretty early. Hell, Cal was practically made of the stuff. Jack thinks he should ask Lila if she knows where he is, but for now he just wants to be here and present with her. Wherever Cal is, he’s probably still going to be there for a while. For once, Jack doesn’t feel in a rush to run from anything or to get anywhere.

He passes her the mug in his hand before pouring one for himself and they sit down at the table together. Suddenly their familiar ease fizzles up and they’re both afraid of what to say and what comes next. 

After a few minutes, Lila cracks.

_“So...firefighter, huh?”_

Jack huffs out a laugh. _“Yeah. Hell I’m even a Lieutenant_.”

_“So you get to boss people around still? Typical Jack”_ she adds an eye roll for effect and they both laugh. Then, Lila grows somber. _“Because of Mom and Dad, right?”_

_“Yeah. It just seemed like the right thing to do. Besides, it wasn’t exactly like I had a family to go home to. Until I found this one. Now I can’t imagine not doing this.”_

_“What happened to you, Jack? After that night.”_ Her big eyes are full of worry and it makes Jack want to squirm. He takes a long sip of his coffee. Deep breath in. And dives.

\-----

No. 7: _I dreamt about you last night_

_“I guess what happened to me is the same thing that happens to a lot of kids. That night I got shipped off to some group home, and after no one would tell me where you or Cal were, I ran off. I must have waited by the park for days expecting Cal to show up but he never did. Did you…?”_

_“No. I never found out what happened to him,”_ Lila says mournfully. _“What happened next?”_

_“Well I definitely didn’t go back to the group home. I tried tracking down one of those relatives Mom and Dad were always talking about, but there wasn’t much I could do without going somewhere with cameras. So I made it work for a few years. There was this little encampment out by the overpass that I liked to stay with for a few weeks here and there, but the cops busted it when I was 16. I found that old warehouse they used to tell us about at the group homes. Lived there til I was out of the system. I worked a bunch of dead-end jobs till I could afford my own place. Once I had an address, I joined the Academy. Now I’m here.”_

There’s a lot more to his story than that abbreviated history. Lila’s knows, too, but Jack is glad she isn’t pushing. While they were really close a long time ago, they have to get used to each other again. Jack’s sure he’ll tell her the rest eventually, the stuff that still keeps him up at night, but this is enough for for. It’s enough to just be together; plus, Jack has definitely hit his cap for emotional vulnerability, even if it’s for Lila.

_“What about you, huh? Where did you go?”_

_“Well, no one would tell me anything either, big surprise there. I got moved around for a little while. You know, lots of homes with people who definitely should_ not _be parents. Eventually, though, I was living with this really nice couple. They were sweet and nice enough, and they learned Sign really fast. They wanted to adopt me, but I told them that the only parents I wanted were already dead. I just couldn’t think of anyone else like that. But I also didn’t want to spend the rest of my life in the system, so they adopted me on paper and I called them my aunts. We moved to Portland when I was 16. I only got back to town a few weeks ago.”_

_“Why did you come back?”_ Jack asks. He and Lila have always been pretty direct with each other; there wasn’t really room for illustrative language in the system, and they learned really fast that people who painted life through rose-colored glasses were the first to get burned. It’s not that Jack is expecting anything from her; he just wants to know how much he should open his heart up before she inevitably has to leave.

_“I came back to find you and Cal, but I wasn’t exactly doing a very good job. I went to the County Records office, but they didn’t have anything on either of you after that night, so I’ve just kinda been scoping out coffee shops hoping to run into you. I even got a job, too, so that I could stick around for a while.”_

_“Oh yeah? Doing what?”_

_“Paramedic,”_ Lila laughs. _“So I guess even if I hadn’t seen that news report I would have run into you eventually. Firefighters and EMS work together a lot, right?”_

_“Right. And hey, forget the coffee shops. What you’ve really got to do is go to this bar, Joe’s, across from the hospital. We’re in there all the time. I’ll take you after shift, let you meet everyone. That is… if that’s something you want.”_

Suddenly, Jack feels the nerves settling in again. He and Lila seem to be okay just the two of them, but that doesn't mean she wants to meet everyone. It doesn’t mean she wants to be part of the constant craziness that is Jack’s life. Sure, she came to the station, but she came here for Jack, not for all of 19. It’s crazy to think that she would want--

_“I’d love to. I want to thank them for looking out for you.”_

_“Hey, who said I needed looking out for?”_ Jack says, feigning indignity. Lila fires back with a look that screams _you’re kidding, right?_ before turning to Jack with a serious expression. But Jack beats her to it.

_“You know I dreamt of you last night? It was the day you got adopted, and Mom and Dad threw that big party and Cal tried to eat all the frosting when no one was looking. All those people from the agency were there and there were so many presents. It was like nothing in the world could touch us. We were so happy._

_“And every time I wake up from a dream like that, I just want to go back to bed. I’ve spent so long wishing for something I’ll never have again, sometimes it’s hard to remember that there are people who are alive and here who need me. They need me to show up, they need me to be prepared. I have a responsibility to protect them, and I love them all. I love the responsibility. But still, after all this time, every time we run into a burning house where there are kids, it’s like I’m running back for our brother. Sometimes I feel like I died that night, too.”_

Jack knows that it’s a lot to unpack half an hour after finding Lila again, but he can’t tell this kind of stuff to 19. He knows that Ben, and especially Dean, would never judge him, but the station went through enough when Hughes was having trouble. Not to mention that Jack’s already been on a short leash with Maya since that whole mess with Rigo. He can’t unload with them the same way he can with Lila; there are no strings attached with her. She doesn’t have to keep secrets from anyone. Telling her this stuff doesn’t back her into a corner like it would for someone else. And hey, if there’s anyone else in the world who understands how Jack feels about just about anything, it’s his sister.

_“Look, Jack, I know it’s been a long time and that we’ve both been through a lot. I know you’re not used to having a family that loves you because until you got here that just wasn’t in the picture. But I’m back, now, and I’m not going anywhere without you again. We are gonna find Cal and we’re gonna take whatever pieces we have left between us and make ourselves into a family again. Because I love you, and that’s all I need to know. Is that something you want too? For us to be a family?”_

Just then, Jack can here the engines rolling back into the Barn, along with the generally bemoaning crew. Above it all, he can hear Hughes crying out “False alarms can kiss my ASS!” Jack can’t help but laugh. He looks up at Lila, his sister, his family, and for the first time in twenty years he thinks that all of the pieces might finally be falling back into place, even if this picture is something he never could have imagined.

_“Yeah,”_ he tells her. _“I want that too.”_


	3. what a wave you have made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, the muse strikes again! I'm glad to see so many of you responding to this fic and really enjoying it. It makes my little writer heart happy, and it makes it feel like this story is writing itself :) I have much more planned for this little universe, so stay tuned!
> 
> Chapter title again from Novo Amor's "Colourway"

No. 2: _It reminded me of you_

To say that the crew is surprised when Jack introduces them is an understatement. To say that Jack has never felt this vulnerable in front of them is an understatement, too. But they take in Lila just like they took in Dean’s baby and Emmett coming out and Andy apparently marrying their superior- wholly and seriously, but not without some humor to grease the wheels. Not for the first time, Jack considers himself lucky to be part of all this.

A little while later, Maya pulls Jack aside. If this were a different time, Jack would be excited by her undivided attention. But it’s not, and he’s not sure what this could mean.

“Look, Jack, just go home. Take the rest of the shift off, be with your sister. You’ll be no good for anyone if you’re distracted while we’re out on a call. Travis can serve as Lieutenant today.”

“You’re sure?”

She smirks, and there’s light behind her eyes that’s been hard to find lately. “Yes, I’m sure. Get out of here, Gibson.”

Unable to stop himself, he pulls her into a crushing hug. “Thanks, Cap.”

Maya and her family have always been a mystery to Jack, but he’s glad to see her smiling. She doesn’t do it much anymore, not since her mom showed up. But maybe Jack’s luck will bleed over and things will get better for her soon too.

When he gets back to Lila, he’s not surprised to see her with Vic’s arm around her shoulder as the group regales her with tales of all the glorious ways in which Jack has made a fool of himself over the past few years. She’s got that big laugh, and those big eyes, and her blonde hair falling out from where she had it pinned, framing her face the way he remembers from all those years ago. He walks over to her and ruffles it, and when she reaches back to flick him in the arm without even pausing, his heart just might explode.

Looking around the table, everyone seems as excited as Jack is that Lila has come back, like she was more than just a missing piece in Jack’s life, but in theirs too. And come to think of it, maybe that’s exactly what she is. Everyone at this table has family issues of their own. Until an hour ago, Jack was convinced he would never see his family again. But she’s here, so maybe she’s hope. And that’s enough to make everyone feel it and smile.

Jack knows what it is to know Lila, to love her. To love her smile and her laugh and want more than anything to be part of her life. He remembers late nights sharing secrets and fears and knowing that Lila and Cal were the two people in the whole world who knew him for all that he is. He never had to explain himself to them, because every fear and insecurity and doubt he had they had, too. Jack didn’t know that kind of solidarity until he came to 19, so to be back with his foundation is as jarring as it is settling. There’s no other way to describe it.

Lost in thought, he almost doesn’t notice Lila pulling at his sleeve.

 _“Hey. Where did you go?”_ she asks, the rest of the crew watching them carefully. He leans down to kiss the top of her head.

 _“Sorry. Just spaced out for a second.”_ He pulls out a chair and sits next to her as Ben passes him a full mug of coffee. This time, he actually takes a sip.

“So was it just the two of you?” Dean asks from farther down the table. 

Jack and Lila look at each other and shrug.

 _“We had a brother. Cal. But after the fire we got separated and we never heard from him again.”_ Jack says, trying to ignore the feeling of his heart collapsing in his chest.

 _“I’ve been looking for him since I got back to town, but I haven’t been able to track him down. Hell, finding Jack was a total accident. If I hadn’t seen that news report, I never would have known where to look for him.”_ Lila says, hanging her head.

_“It’s entirely possible he’s not even in Seattle anymore.”_

“Have you contacted Social Services?” Ben asks. 

Lila nods. _“That was the first place I tried, but they won’t release his records.”_

“Why not?” Travis asks. “You said this happened twenty years ago, so it’s not like he’s still a minor. How old would he be now?”

_“Well he’s two years younger than us, so he would be 30, but that doesn’t matter. All records for the foster system remain sealed unless a judge gives authorization, even after the child in question ages out of the system.”_

“So we get a judge to help. A city Fire Captain calling on behalf of an acting Lieutenant, I can make some calls,” Maya offers.

 _“It’s not that easy,”_ Jack tells them. He lived the system. He knows its flaws. _“We have no reason to believe he’s even still in the city, if he’s alive at all. And Cal and I hadn’t even been officially adopted when the fire happened, so it’s not exactly like Lila and I can claim that he was our brother legally. That’s why we got split up in the first place.”_

“So what if you weren’t adopted yet?” Dean challenges. “I can see plain and simple that that’s your sister sitting next to you, the same way Yemi is mine. So if you want to do this, if you want to fight the courts to get access to his records, I’ve got your back.”

“We’ve _all_ got your back,” Vic asserts, and she’s met with firm nods from around the table. 

Jack and Lila look at each other, and he can tell that she feels just as lost as he does. There’s no easy answer; there never is when it comes to the system. Hell, just this morning Jack was talking himself into and out of looking for Cal and Lila because there was a chance he didn’t want to be found. What if they went through all this just for him to push them away again?

 _“I- I think we need to talk it over. Think about it,”_ Jack tells the group. They’re met with overall approval from everyone, but Jack can tell that Ben is feeling all of this pretty close to the vest, probably because he and Miranda had just taken in a foster kid. But before Jack gets the chance to pull him aside, the klaxons sound.

When Jack didn’t follow the rest of the crew to the Barn, Lila gave him a strange look. _“You’re not going with them this time?”_

Jack smiled. _“Nah, Cap gave me the rest of the shift off. I’m gonna change and then we can get out of here.”_

_“Sounds good to me.”_

\-----

When they get back to his apartment, Jack doesn’t really know what to say. It’s a small place, never really decorated much, and it’s not exactly like he and Andy ever really had the time to make it feel like a home. And now Andy is pretty much gone- someone must have cleared out her room yesterday while Jack was working, because the place is empty, save for the mattress and bed frame.

But Lila isn’t drawn to Andy’s empty room, or the practically bare walls. Not the lumpy couch or the sink full of dishes, or the half-full bookshelves with novels Jack always planned to read but never made a priority. Instead, her eyes are drawn to one of the few things Jack actually took the time to hang in the window above the sink: a mermaid with a blue tail set in sea glass, catching the sun as it sways with the force of the front door closing. He got it at a craft fair Ben and Dean had dragged him to when he was living in the houseboat, just to have something to do on their day off, and the second he saw it, he knew he was supposed to have it.

When she looks to him, her eyes full of wonder, he is helpless to do anything but shrug.

 _“It reminded me of you.”_ he says simply as Lila begins to cry. He holds her and they rock together gently, right there in Jack’s dirty kitchen. They don’t need to talk. Today has been a roller coaster neither of them expected, and Jack would be lying if he said his tears didn’t spill over too at finally being alone with his sister again. This hadn’t happened since they were kids, and they were both content to just _be_ with each other again, without bringing in the rest of the world. They were family. And they were finally together again. Jack didn’t need anything else.

But then he thought of Cal, of how this picture was incomplete, and his heart began to break all over again. Because this wasn’t enough; not now that he knew his sister was out there. He wouldn’t feel right or settled or okay until they found him too. Even if Cal never wanted to see them again, at least Jack and Lila would have their answer. It would hurt, but they would know, and after twenty years, that was all they really wanted.

That and to rock back and forth in circles in Jack’s kitchen while they cried in each other’s arms.

Before he knew what happened, Jack pulled back so he could look at Lila.

 _Move in with me,_ he said. Her eyes grew inexplicably wide.

_What? Are you serious?_

_Yes. You said you just got to town, right? You need a place to stay? My roommate just got married and moved out. You could stay here, Li. Please stay here. I can’t lose you._

_You aren’t gonna lose me Jack, I promise_ , she told him, looking deep into his eyes. _I’m not going anywhere, even if I_ had _already found a place. But lucky for you, little brother, I’m in the market for a roommate._

 _You are BARELY older than me_ , he argued. _I don’t think a month really counts._

 _Oh it absolutely does,_ she shot back, sticking her tongue out like a brat and not at all like a 32-year old woman. Jack loves it. He can’t help but smile back at her as he leads her into the living room to sit.

_Okay then, big sister, tell me. What do you want to do about Cal? Do you want to go to Social Services? Have Maya pull some strings?_

Lila contemplates for a minute before looking up at him, her bright blue eyes shining again. But Jack gets it- sometimes he feels like he could start crying and never ever stop. He was never able to let that happen at the Station- he was a Lieutenant, he needed to be on his game. His friends, the rest of his crew, depended on him to keep a level. After the skyscraper, it took a long time to feel like he had really earned back that trust, but it didn’t mean that there weren’t days when Jack wished he could just break down in the bunk room and never come out.

Today has been one of those days, so he understands the shining in Lila’s eyes.

 _I spent twenty years alone, thinking I would never find you,_ she starts. _I was afraid you didn’t want to be found, and that looking for you would only hurt you. But you told me you were afraid of the same things, so I don’t think I could just...not try to find him. Not if he’s thinking the same thing about us. Not if he wants to find us too. So yeah, I think I do want to go to Social Services. I want as much information as we can get. And if he doesn’t want to talk to us after that, that’s fine._

 _At least we’ll know,_ Jack finishes for her, knowing they’re thinking the same thing. _I want that too_.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, shooting a text to Maya that she’ll see after getting back to Station.

_From Jack: Make the call_


	4. with all of your pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Here's another chapter. There won't be an update next week, as I will be spending some much-needed time with family, but look for another update the week after that. I'd love to know what you think of the story so far.
> 
> See you all soon! Enjoy :)

No 41: _Go back to sleep_

The next few days pass in a total blur that ends with boxes of Lila’s things littering her small bedroom, her favorite books on Jack’s previously empty bookshelves and bright prints on bare walls. Her favorite ice cream is in the freezer and her favorite cereal is in the cabinet and Jack is so happy he could explode.

Until it becomes clear that Lila brought her nightmares with her, too.

It happens the night before, or more accurately the morning of, Jack’s first day back at work. Maya had been gracious and gave him a few shifts off to help Lila move in and for the two of them to get readjusted, but now it’s time for the two of them to get back to reality, now that it’s at least started to sink in that they will each still be there when they get home.

But in the middle of the night, before reality has a chance to really sink back in, Jack startles awake to the sound of Lila screaming. Tearing down the hall, he bursts through the door only to see her thrashing around in her bed, eyes closed, fighting back against some enemy he is powerless to help her fight.

Flicking on the lights, Jack lowers himself down onto the edge of her bed, shaking her at the shoulders to help her wake up. When they were younger this trick worked all the time. When Lila starts to stir, Jack is glad that there were some things from their youth that stayed the same.

_Hey, it’s okay,_ he tells her when she’s alert enough to actually comprehend his presence in front of her. She’s shaken, and shaking, her breaths slowly evening out as the last of the nightmare recedes from her mind. She reaches out and takes Jack’s face into her palm, brushing her thumb against the stubble on his cheek. She used to do this, too. Reassure herself that she had really woken up.

_It’s okay_ , he tells her. _You’re awake, you’re safe. I’m right here. I’m real._

Slowly, so slowly, he can see Lila coming back to herself. Jack is content to wait as long as he has to until she feels safe. Eventually, she pulls her hand back. Her eyes are glassy and he can see all the half-formed words coming into and out of her brain before she has the chance to really form a thought.

_What was it?_ He asks gently. _Was it the same as before?_

She never told him all of the specifics of the nightmares she would get when they were little. All he ever got were snapshots- usually a man. From the way she always woke up panting, Jack thought she dreamt that he was chasing her, but he never knew for sure. She never offered. Not even when he asked, which was most of the time.

But things are different now. They’re together again. There’s nothing Jack won’t carry for her.

_It was the fire,_ she tells him suddenly. She avoids his gaze like she’s ashamed of something.

The way she was thrashing…Jack’s hit with a wall of guilt

_From me running back in?_ He never knew she carried that with her. Then again, he never really got the opportunity to talk to her about it.

_No. When they put me in the back of that van,_ she admits. _In my dream, I was fighting back. Fighting like hell. I didn’t want to be taken away from you. But that night, everything just happened so fast, I barely had a chance to think. But I swear, Jack, I didn’t want to leave._

_I know that, Lila,_ he tells her, pulling her into his chest for a minute to hold her tight and rock them back and forth. He lets her feel him all around her, so she knows that she’s safe and that all the fighting she did after that night paid off because they’re together again. And after he tells her with actions, he lets her know with words- that she never let him down, that he never blamed her, that he wanted to fight for her, too.

But what can you do when you’re twelve and your carefully constructed happy ending crumbles to ashes?

_I think we made the best of it,_ he tells her honestly. _And who knows, maybe now the nightmares will stop._

Lila yawns and rubs her eyes. Always a good sign that she’s getting sleepy. _I hope so_ , she shrugs as she takes a sip of water from the glass she keeps on the bedside table. _It’s been a long time. I’m sorry I woke you._

_Don’t be,_ Jack smiles, kissing her head before she lays back down. _I love you and I’m always going to be here for you._

_You’re a firefighter, Jack. That isn’t exactly the kind of promise you can make._

Jack considers that for a moment. She’s right, he can never guarantee that he’ll be coming home at the end of the day, but before now, the only people he had waiting for him were the people fighting the fires _with_ him. Now he was actually accountable to someone else. Now he actually had a family to think about. 

The thought steals his breath, panic gripping at his insides. How are they supposed to do this now?

But Lila knows him for all she doesn’t, and his sister has always been able to tell exactly what he’s thinking just by looking at him.

_Jack, I would never ask you to walk away from your job. I just got scared._

_And that’s okay. Whatever you’re feeling is okay. Honestly, I’m scared about this, too. Scared of what it means to do this job when there’s a family waiting for you. But I know that whatever happens, we will figure it out together, and come up with something that works for the both of us._

Leaning down, Jack kissed Lila on the forehead like he used to, and pulled the covers up over her hips like he used to, and he tells her the same thing he used to when he would talk her down from her nightmares, hoping that somehow, somewhere, there was a way for this new normal to really feel like theirs. 

_Go back to sleep, Li. I’ll see you in the morning._

\-----

No. 68: _You didn’t have to ask_

Try as he might, Jack is quite literally dragging his feet when he walks into work a few hours later. Lila woke up again at the crack of dawn with another nightmare, and after that Jack couldn’t find it in himself to get that extra hour of sleep. She’s panicking, which is making him sick. He doesn’t know what he could possibly do to make this easier for her.

But he’s not the only one in this firehouse with a family at home.

He needs to talk to Ben. 

Graciously, there are only a few calls for them to deal with, and none of them particularly serious, but they come in one after another and by the time they get back to the station it’s getting late and everyone flocks to the bunks to catch some shut eye in case they get a few back-to-back calls again and they don’t get the chance to. Jack turns for the Beanery instead, looking for a caffeine fix to help him have the brainpower to work through the thoughts racing through his mind. 

One of his favorite parts of being at 19 is how quiet it can be. Sure, the loud buzz that comes with a rowdy group of thrill-seekers can be a comfort, and often times is a welcome distraction from everything going on in Jack’s personal monologue. But it’s times like these, times where Jack actually _wants_ to sit with his thoughts, that the quiet that comes after a late call settles him in his bones and makes him feel right and ready and safe, because he knows that if he needs them, the crew is just on the other side of that wall.

Which is why he’s surprised to see Ben pouring himself a cup of coffee from the pot on the counter and sitting himself down across from Jack.

“Everything alright?” Jack asks, tilting his head a bit.

Ben shrugs. “Yeah. Miranda just called- surgery hit close to home. It was a kid Tuck’s age. He made it, and he’s okay, but I just…”

“Can’t go back to sleep?” 

Ben nods, his head heavy.

“Yeah, I’m starting to get that.”

“Everything okay at home?”

“Yeah, it’s just. Lila gets these night terrors- she had them when we were little, too. I just forgot how draining they are. Last night was a pretty bad night. Had trouble sleeping after that.”

Ben nods in understanding. “That really sucks, man. Miranda used to have nightmares all the time when I first started. It made me feel just, _so_ awful. Telling Tuck was worse.”

“How do you do it?” Jack asks, leaning forward, taking a big gulp from his mug. “How do you balance what you do here and having someone waiting up for you? How do you deal with the fact that you might not get to come home one day?”

Ben leans back, taking a deep breath. Clearly this is something that still gets to him.

“This was something Miranda and I talked about when I first started. She had an intern at the hospital years ago, this kid George. Well, George died in a freak accident. He pulled a woman out of the way of a bus and he was the one that got hit instead. I guess what I’m saying is, we’re all going to die. None of us know how it’s going to happen. Is this job dangerous? Hell yes. We’re all at risk.

“But look at Pruitt. He was able to do this for over _30 years_ before he died. And now his kid is doing the exact same thing that he did, even knowing that it could take her from him. Miranda knows that I will do whatever I can to make it home to her at the end of the day. I will always fight to get back to her and Tuck. And if one day I can’t? I know that she’ll know that I did everything I could to make sure that didn’t happen. But we’ve all got our time, Jack. No one knows what’s going to happen.”

Jack takes a minute and lets that soak in. What Ben said makes sense in theory, but Jack and Lila have lost so much time. The system left them hard-wired for anticipation of loss. It stings and he doesn’t want to add to her sister’s burden. But he can’t leave his work family, either. This isn’t the kind of problem with an easy answer.

It doesn’t matter how quiet the Station is. He can still feel the heartbeats of all of his friends. He feels their breath like every other time that they’re watching his back. So how is he supposed to watch out for Lila’s, too?

“It got harder when we took in a foster kid, though,” Ben says. Looking out the window, Jack can see the sun starting to poke through some clouds.

He wonders how Lila slept last night. He wonders if Cal ever let go of the baseball bat he used to sleep with. He wonders if Cal is even still out there to sleep. Jack;s soul feels heavy and he’s exhausted. He wishes he could just go home and curl into bed.

“Oh?” he asks instead.

“I mean, he’s just so used to people walking out on him and having to fend for himself. The second he ages out, he’s applying to take custody of his siblings. He’s so busy worrying about everyone else, he barely takes a second to think about himself.” Ben gives him a meaningful look. “Sound familiar?”

Jack huffs.

“I know that you think you have to look out for her- make up for lost time, be a good brother, whatever you want to call it. But the truth is, there is nothing you can do to keep that promise other than try your hardest, and trust that she’ll believe you when you tell her that. I wish there was more to it than that.”

“That’s what I tell Pru every morning before I leave,” Dean interjects as he stalks heavy-footed into the Beanery, Vic and Travis close behind him. 

“I thought you guys would still be asleep,” Jack tells them. 

Travis shrugs before taking a big gulp of coffee. “We could hear you thinking from out here. Thought we’d see what all the fuss is about.”

“Yeah, you worried about Lila?” Vic asks around a bite full of blueberry muffins. “Because man, I don’t think she’s going anywhere.”

“It’s not _her_ leaving that I’m worried about. It’s _me_. We all know this job; we know there’s no guarantee that we’re gonna make it back. And that never bothered me before because the only people I’d be walking out on were you guys, and as much as that would suck, I know you guys get it.” At this, he looks to Vic. They all know he’s talking about Ripley, and how hard that was on all of them. But eventually, they all got up and kept going. 

Jack looks around the table, at his friends that became his family, and he is completely overcome. 

“I don’t know how to do this without being afraid.” 

For a while, no one says anything. Ben and Dean know this feeling; to them it’s painfully intimate and always around. Now Andy is relieved of that fear and she’ll never forgive herself for it, that Jack knows. They don’t need the reminder. But for Vic and Travis, whose close family recently has only been each other, this has only ever been a phantom thought. A what if. 

But of course then Emmett stumbles in and Travis closes off and Vic forces herself to renew the conversation if just to avoid whatever Big Deal this is that Travis is desperately avoiding that Jack just does not have the capacity for. 

They’re probably fucking and it’s probably a mistake. It always is within the house- him and Andy, him and Maya, Andy and her broken marriage, whatever this is with Travis and Emmett and the way that Dean’s eyes have been following Vic’s every move for the past few weeks in a way that could only possibly mean pain for all of them. Especially since Vic never looks back. Not like that. 

“When my grandmother was sick,” she says, “I started turning my heart off a long time before hers actually stopped. It was like she was dead already and a month later I buried a stranger who thought I reminded her of someone, and that I had pretty hair. 

“But that’s no way to live, Jack. You can’t keep one foot out the door just because you’re afraid of hurting her. She loves you and she’s looked for you for decades. Don’t you dare do her the disrespect of not being fully committed to being her family again. Death is real. It’s inevitable. But you’re _alive now,_ and so is she. So any time spent worrying about the arrival of the inevitable is an extreme disservice to you both.”

“Damn, Vic,” is all he can think to say, his eyes watering and his voice thick. “I didn’t think you cared so much.”

“We all care,” Dean says honestly, and one look around the table tells him that that’s true for everyone. Except maybe Emmett, but Jack’s known since the start that is heart isn’t in this. He wonders what the catalyst will be for him to leave. 

“Yeah, why else would Maya have gone to City Hall to try to get those records for you?” Ben asks. 

“About that,” Maya says as she takes hesitant steps into the Beanery. 

Before she can continue, Jack interrupts her. “Maya, thank you again for—“

She holds her hand out to stop him. “You didn’t have to ask, Jack. I would have done it anyway. You deserve to have your family. But I have to be honest, that wasn’t my only reason for visiting City Hall. I had a meeting with Chief Dixon.”

“Are you in trouble?” Emmett asks, voice dripping with guilt, but Maya has never held his father against him. 

She shakes her head. 

“No. The meeting was about those wildfires down in LA. We’re being recruited to go down and help out, and we’re bringing some EMTs with us from a local private paramedic firm. We’re probably gonna be gone for a week or two so go home quick and pack a bag. We’re leaving here at 5:00 sharp. If you’re not in the back of the rig, you’ll be staying here to cover with B-shift, no exceptions. Is that clear?” She asks, and the table acquiesces with a combination of renewed-slash-caffeinated vigor and weary disdain, but they have their orders nonetheless. 

LA again? This should be interesting. 

Just as he’s pulling out his phone to let Lila know what’s going on, he gets a text from her. 

_From Lila: looks like I’m going to LA with you! Give me a ride back to the station?_

This is going to be _really_ interesting.


	5. caught by your linen eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? Another update?
> 
> Sorry for the long-ish wait, everyone. As an FYI, these slower updates might become the new norm as I am returning to work this coming week and will have less time on my hands to write. But fear not- I love this story too much to let it slide. Speaking of which...
> 
> This week we meet the #firefam. If you're unfamiliar with 9-1-1, I highly recommend. My plan all along has been to unite these characters. And this is only the beginning... ;) I hope you enjoy!

The ride down to LA passes slowly and all at once, in that way that long car rides tend to do when you’re not sure you want to see what’s on the other side of them. On the way, Andy and Sullivan are driving Lila and the other EMTs in the back of the Aid Car. Jack is in the engine with Ben, Travis, and Dean, while Maya and Vic take the ladder. Travis offered to go with them, but they declared the ladder truck as _ladies only_ until they got down to LA.

No one seems to be talking about Probie’s absence. Jack saw him exiting Maya’s office just before they loaded up, but Jack knows he’s not the only one that noticed that he didn’t leave with them.

Somewhere in Northern California, Jack leans over to Travis where he’s riding shotgun. In the back, Ben and Dean are in the back exchanging parenting stories, so they’re as good as dead to the rest of the world around them.

“What did he do to you?” Jack asks. Not _if_ Emmett did something, but _what_. Because it’s been clear to all of them that something has been going on between those two for weeks. Jack knows that Lila showing up has put a bit of a wrench in things, and he hasn’t been as good a friend as he should have been lately. Hell, Jack has always felt a bit distant from Travis and Vic, and it’s always bugged him, even if he never did anything to fix it before. No time like the present to start making up for things.

Travis looks out at the road for a while, trying to puzzle out what exactly happened with them that bothered him so much.

“He loved me,” Travis finally says.

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“From him? I think so. He didn’t know what he wanted.”

“And would it be so bad for someone to decide that you _are_ what they want?”

Travis looks at Jack from the corner of his eye and scoffs. “What, you mean like Grant?”

“No, I mean someone who gets it. Gets the life. Knows what they’re signing up for.”

“I already had that, remember? Look how that ended.”

Jack sighs. “Yes, you did. And yeah, what happened with Michael was awful. But that doesn’t mean that you’re never gonna be happy again.” Jack thinks of Lila’s eyes crinkling around a laugh, and Cal with icing on his face. It makes his heart ache.

“I think the jury’s still out on that one,” Travis whispers, going back to looking out the window.

Things get pretty quiet for a while after that.

\-----

By the time they’re pulling up to the command center, everyone is itching to get out there and start tackling the beast. There are people, quite literally, everywhere. The place reminds Jack of those old tent cities he used to hide in when he was running from the system- thrown together meeting spaces and corridors with drooping ceilings. Everywhere he looks, there are whiteboards and desks with blue-prints and dozens of radio towers. People are shouting commands and guzzling water. If they’re not refueling or strategizing, they’re on a gurney being looked at by a paramedic.

There are a lot of people on gurneys.

Almost subconsciously, Jack sticks a little closer to Travis’ side. The skyscraper fire was a long time ago, but Travis has had the closest call of all of them, and Jack knows he’s not likely to forget it anytime soon. It seems like no matter how much time passes, or how fine everyone is, Jack will still do anything he can to look out for his family.

“You good?” he asks Travis, knowing that he won’t be good for anyone if his head isn’t in this. They can’t afford for Emmett to be a distraction, not when they’re close enough to smell the smoke from the wildfires.

There are bigger problems today.

Travis nods wordlessly, his attention suddenly drawn to a paramedic working in the middle of the tent. Lila must see him too, and notice how he’s signing, because she immediately runs over to help him out. Together, they become like a well-oiled machine, and before very long, their patient’s stats even out on the monitor. 

Jack notices the slight blush coloring Travis’ cheeks. When Travis catches him staring, Jack gives him a knowing look. Travis shrugs.

“Someone who gets it, right? Isn’t that what you said?”

Jack chuckles, taking Travis around the shoulders to follow Maya and the others as they make their way towards a central command post and get their assignments. Part of him hates to leave Lila, but they’re adults now. They can’t be together every second. _She’s fine,_ Jack keeps reminding himself.

But he doesn’t want her to be worrying, either, so he makes a silent promise to himself not to do anything reckless. He can’t be the one to leave her all alone again.

By the time they make it where they’re going, the group is so far into the tent city that Jack isn’t sure where they are. But clearly they made it to the middle of the structure- a big, open room with a suspended roof. It almost reminds him of a big top. And in the middle of it all, there’s a group of firefighters surrounding a whiteboard with maps of what look like a residential area, trying to come up with the best plan of attack. From the looks of it, the group has been at this for at least the last few days- they’re all tired around the edges, with dirt and dust and smoke clinging to them. When Jack gets close enough, he’s able to see why.

Their badges are from the LAFD. They’re locals. This is their backyard. Their families are here. They can’t afford to stop.

When their captain notices them, he moves forward to shake Maya’s hand, and then the rest of them.

“Captain Bobby Nash, LAFD House 118,” he says.

“Captain Maya Bishop. Seattle FD. Station 19.”

“Thanks for making the trip down, everyone. We really appreciate the backup,” he says honestly. Jack likes him already. He looks to be middle aged, a well-seasoned vet, and not only someone who has dealt with this before, but someone who cares about the people he’s fighting with. Jack can see it in the way he looks at his crew, hovers over them like a father as he introduces them.

“Our station is probably a little smaller than what you’re used to. It’s just the five of us- that’s Chimney, Hen, Buck, and Eddie,” he says, pointing to a middle-aged Asian man, a Black woman with glasses and a huge smile, a 20-something guy with a pink birthmark on his eyebrow, and a Latino that looks to be about Jack’s age. Jack can’t quite put his finger on it, but he feels like he’s seen this guy before.

When has he ever known anyone named Eddie? He must have at some point, right?

Maya responds in kind as she introduces their team. Jack can practically feel Vic bouncing out of her boots wanting to get to work, and Jack has to admit her energy is infectious. Especially since they’ve been driving for the better part of the last two days. 

After exchanging some basic pleasantries, the two teams get to work.

“Alright,” Captain Nash says, “Since we’re familiar with the area, we’ll be working with you guys to help evacuate and prep this residential neighborhood. The fire’s shifted a bit in the last few hours so these houses are much closer to the fire line than they used to. We’re gonna do everything we can to protect these people’s homes.

“Our Aid Car teams are going to be working together to organize the evacuation and help with any minor injuries. The rest of us are going to pair off to handle clearing debris and wetting down what we can with the engines. I want us to pair up across Houses where we can.”

“Andy, you and Ben will help out with Aid Car,” Maya said. Even though Sullivan had come down in the Aid Car, as Battalion Chief he was needed here at Central Command. “I’ll go with Captain Nash. Jack, you’re with Eddie. Vic, Buck. We’re the bigger team so Travis and Dean, you’ll be together but listen close to Captain Nash and his team. We all walk in, I want us all to walk out, alright?”

And just like that, they’re on their way to the scene. Two Aid Cars, two engines, two ladders, 12 firefighters.

And a pit in the bottom of Jack’s stomach.

\-----

When they get to the neighborhood, their assignment is easy enough: clear away brush from around the houses. Bobby and Maya take one side of the street while Jack and Eddie take the other. The others are busy hooking up lines to hydrants and wetting structures to try to reduce any damage from the fires, if they get this far.

And if the smoke coming up from the hills is anything to go by, they definitely will. It’s only a matter of time.

The crew from the 118 seem nice enough. Jack’s been able to catch little bits of conversations filter in with the breeze. He’s also able to see the way Eddie’s eyes track the back of Buck’s head as they go.

“What’s the story there?” Jack asks, looking between the two of them.

Eddie laughs, then shrugs one shoulder. “Newlyweds. Can’t help it.”

“And they let you work on the same squad?” Jack asks, a little shocked, as he and Eddie haul a bunch of fallen tree limbs away from a small house.

“It wasn’t easy trying to convince Bobby,” Eddie admits. “But with me and Buck, we would rather be together than apart. Even before we were together, we would do everything together. There were times when one or the other of us was in trouble and we nearly lost it. But when we started dating, we found a way to make it work. Because we would rather do what we had to do at work to stay together than be forced to be apart. You know what I mean?”

Jack thinks of Cal and Lila. “Yeah. I know what you mean.”

“I used to be able to get out of my head when we were dating; leave it in the locker room. But things are different now. We’re _married_. We have a _kid_. It’s just, it’s harder to shake now.”

“I know what you mean,” Jack tells him. “More than you know. I mean, I’m not married, and I’m not a dad. But I was alone for a long time, and I only recently reconnected with some of my family. The thought of losing that- it, it keeps me up at night.”

Eddie looks over to to Buck, and his expression makes Jack’s heart ache. Eddie’s lost people before, that much is certain. He might be a stranger, but Jack feels connected to him; kindred spirits and all that. And this instant connection after a lifetime of being alone is starting to make the back of his neck itch. After all, he was just starting to accept that the team would be his forever family, and that would be enough. But then Lila came in and his world got turned around in the best way possible, and it’s got Jack wanting to chase after possibilities.

Even if that means his possibilities are in Los Angeles, this instant friendship with this man he’s never met. But one look at Eddie, and the way he speaks and the way he’s lived and experiences life, and Jack can’t stand the thought of walking away and never knowing anything more about him. He doesn’t want this to end. He wasn’t exactly content before, but he was at least settled; resigned. Now he’s tasted what the world has to offer. He doesn’t want to give that up. But he doesn't want to freak Eddie out, either, so he talks about something else.

“So tell me about this kid.”

And oh, the light on Eddie’s face. “His name’s Christopher. He’ll be 10 in the spring. He’s the greatest thing that ever happened to me, besides Evan.”

And Jack lets him go on and on about this fantastic kid as they work their way through the neighborhood. Dean and Travis are almost done wetting down the houses when Maya and Bobby come running in from the trucks where they were on the radio with Dispatch. Vic and Buck look up from where they were laughing over a pile of contained brush and join the others.

For the first time, Jack notices that the Aid Cars and buses that were shuttling out civilians have all disappeared.

“Maya, where are Andy and the others?” Vic asks, clearly thinking the same thing.

“We just got a call from Dispatch. While we were bust helping here, part of the fire brushed up close to a few other residential neighborhoods before crews could get there. Dispatch says Central Command is flooded with injuries from the fire, so our Aid Crews are going back to help out.”

“Buck, you’d better call Maddie,” Bobby says.

Seeing the confused looks, Buck pipes up, even as he fishes his phone out of his turnouts. “My sister is a 9-1-1 Dispatcher in town. She probably got that report, but they don’t always list what crews were involved. She’ll worry if she doesn’t hear from me, and everyone at Dispatch needs to keep their heads on straight.” He dials her number and steps a few feet away to call her. Their conversation is brief and Buck returns quickly, but even from those few words Jack can see the tension bleeds out his shoulders. 

Jack knows how that feels now. He has a sister, too. That’s something that will never be lost on him again. Just how _real_ she is, and how real his responsibilities are to her. Even though Jack knows she’s fine, and probably swamped with all those new patients, he would love to be able to check in with her. But there’s no time for that right now. Not with these fires getting bigger and closer to where people call home.

“Where do they need us?” Eddie asks, already knowing how a day like this is going to go. It’s not time for a break, it’s time to go where things are worse off and do what they can to help.

“Well most of us are not trained for wildfire situations, so we’ll be meeting the fire line from the opposite direction, going ahead of its path to try to help out those neighborhoods that have just been hit unexpectedly. We’ve done all we can here,” Bobby tells them all.

“Alright, let’s load up.” Maya calls, already running back to the ladder truck.

Ben must see something on Jack’s face, some expression that Jack himself isn’t even aware of, as he watches Buck and Eddie automatically make their way back to each other’s sides. Jack can see Bobby and Travis running to the 118’s ladder while Buck and Eddie take the engine. Ben’s hand is warm on his shoulder, and his eyes free of judgement.

“Go with them. Dean and I will take the engine. Maya and Vic have the ladder.”

Jack doesn’t have time to argue. It looks like Ben is taking over for the resident Mr. Miyagi, assuaging worries Jack didn’t even know he had and guiding him like the father he never got the chance to really know. It’s unnerving, but Jack doesn’t have the time to feel it. Not now.

Now, he has to run.


	6. i didn't though

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? An update?! Sorry for the long pause, everyone. Work has been very short-staffed lately. The first 1500 words of this chapter were written on the back of discarded receipts when things were slow. Please be patient.
> 
> Title from Taylor Swift's "the 1"

No. 17: Watch your step

Jack doesn’t really remember how it happened; or at least, he doesn’t really remember being part of it. There was a big crash and hard thud and hot cinders blowing at his back while people were screaming for him.

No, not for him. _At_ him. Past him.

They were screaming for Eddie.

\-----

What Jack knows for sure is that a minute ago, or at least what feels like a minute ago, he was was in the back of the engine. Buck and Eddie were sitting in front of him, flirting easily as they made their way to the next neighborhood. Jack tries not to pay too much attention to their banter, thinks its best to leave the newlyweds to as much privacy as they can get, but then Buck is whispering something to his husband. Eddie throws his head back, belly laughing and wheezing.

Jack feels a bucket of ice water drop on his head.

He knows that laugh.

He’s not sure how he didn’t notice it before- the little dimple in his chin, the way he’ll idly scratch behind his ears when he’s bored. Or now, when they’re all a little stressed. And there, that little jump to his knee that would sometimes happen when he laughed too hard.

Somehow, Jack is sitting behind his little brother. Somehow, somewhere along the way, Cal became Eddie, leaving Seattle to become a firefighter in LA, complete with his own family- a crew, a husband, and a kid.

Holy shit.

What is he supposed to do now? How is he going to tell Lila? Jack had spent the last two decades waiting to find his brother. Now here he is, right in front of Jack. Why hadn’t Jack recognized him before? He knew Lila the second he saw her. Had Eddie recognized him, too? Or would Jack be blowing the roof off his entire life if he decided to say something? 

Whatever Jack is thinking, or feeling, or freaking out about, he doesn’t have time to worry about it now. They have to go fight a freaking wildfire; Jack has to keep his head on his straight. Other people, his friends, are depending on him to have a clear head right now. He has to be able to keep everyone safe.

Except, Jack is quite literally unable to think about anything else right now except his little brother, alive and healthy and happy and whole and _right in front of him_. 

His little brother the firefighter.

His little brother the husband.

The _father._

His little brother. _Eddie._

Jack tosses the name around a little bit in his head. He likes it. It’s a good name. Strong, but soft. The same way he’s looking at Buck across from him. Like he’s the light and the missing piece; something to protect and wonder in.

Jack wonders what else Eddie had to lose for him to look at Buck like that. He thinks of the way Eddie’s face lit up when he was talking about Christopher. He could just imagine what Eddie would look like with Christopher actually in the room with him.

Does this mean Jack is an uncle?

Just a few weeks ago, Jack felt all alone in the world, cut off from the people he once had as his own. Now, he has Lila back. He has a family. A brother, a nephew. He has responsibilities outside of the station. The thought frightens him, but at the same time it settles something deep and unmoored within him. Like Eddie, and apparently Christopher, were the missing pieces.

Then again, it’s be entirely possible that Eddie wouldn’t want anything to do with him. Jack doesn’t even want to consider that possibility, but it wouldn’t be fair to Eddie not to. After all, a lot could change in 20 years. Jack just hopes that his place in Eddie’s heart hasn’t.

\-----

Somewhere in all the screaming, Jack seems to come back to himself.

The wind had shifted while their backs were turned, descending down on the neighborhood faster than anyone was particularly comfortable with. After a quick dispatch to the command center, Maya and Bobby agreed that the team had done all it could in the neighborhood and that it was time to get out while they could. As they’re making their way to the engines, Jack trips over his own two feet. His head is apparently still somewhere else.

A hand catches his elbow, pulling him upright. “Watch your step there, big brother,” Eddie smiles. He’s got that crinkle in his eyes.

Jack’s sure his eyes are bugging out of his face. He must look utterly ridiculous. They’re literally in the path of a wildfire. There couldn’t be a _worse_ time for this revelation. And yet…

“You knew?” Jack asks incredulously. Eddie just smiles. Ahead of them, they can hear Buck calling for them to catch up.

“Since the minute you got here,” he chuckles. God. His laugh. “I was just waiting for you to catch up. Guess I’m still impatient, huh?”

And Jack would laugh with him, he really would. Except everything in that moment gets very hot at his back, and it becomes clear that Buck isn’t just calling for them out of annoyance. No, he’s yelling at them to get out of the way. To watch out behind them.

Jack feels something heavy push at his back, and the next thing he’s aware of is darkness.

\----

That’s when the screaming starts. It takes Jack a minute to catch up and- _oh shit, Eddie!_

The brush from the edge of the neighborhood had been caught when the wind shifted, lighting like a timber box and spreading to some of the houses and, apparently, an oak tree.

An oak tree that was currently pinning down Eddie in the middle of the street. Because he had pushed Jack out of the way.

When Jack shakes himself off, Travis is there with a hand on his shoulder, giving him an appraising look. Jack knows he can tell that something is off, but he can’t even try to explain to Travis everything that just happened. Instead, he settles for the closest imitation of a reassuring look that he can manage and tries his best to push himself through the crowd to get to Eddie. Jack’s pretty sure that someone is trying to say something to him, but he can’t even pretend to listen. His little brother is here, and is hurt, and got hurt protecting him in the first place. He has to help.

But then, he’s pretty sure it’s Maya who’s shoving him backwards. Jack tries reaching out for Eddie, walking towards him, until strong arms grab him around the chest and drag him away from the crowd.

There’s a voice in his ear, then. But Jack can’t really tell whose it is from all the screaming.

“Jack, Jack you have to stop. You have to breathe. They’ve got him. _Breathe_.” Oh, it’s Travis.

By now, Jack is being thrown into the back of 19’s engine, where there are only small windows so Travis can’t see what’s going on outside where he’s powerless to help. He and Travis sit there just breathing for a while. Jack isn’t sure how long, but it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes. There’s a fire starting to close them in. They have to get out of here.

When Jack’s pulse has gone down considerably, and his breathing has slowed, he and Travis look up to see Maya pounding on the door, signaling them to get a move on. Without thinking, Travis and Jack move to the front of the truck to leave with the others. Travis gets in the driver’s seat without them having to talk about; they both know that after whatever just happened, Jack is in no state to drive.

They pull out of the neighborhood, pulling up the rear of the entourage heading back to base. Ahead of them, probably in one of the Aid Cars, Eddie is hurt. They wouldn’t be leaving if they hadn’t gotten him out. It took them long enough to pull out that Jack knows Eddie’s hurt. He has to be. Jack feels a hitch in his breath, but a look from Travis seems to settle enough that he doesn’t devolve into full-on panic. At least not right away.

After a few minutes, Travis looks at him again.

“What was that before?” he asks simply. Almost like he’s afraid of the answer.

But it’s Travis and Jack is fried. There’s no room for shame anymore.

“When I lived in the foster home, Lila and I had a brother.”

“Cal, right?”

Jack nods. But then, the words get stuck in his throat.

“So, Eddie reminds you of him? That’s why you freaked out?” Travis asks, slightly confused.

Jack huffs out a laugh. If only. “It’s not just that Eddie _reminds_ me of Cal. He _is_ Cal. Said so himself. I can’t fucking believe it.”

“Holy shit.” Travis says, eyes wide.

“My thoughts exactly.” He’s quiet for a minute. “He’s hurt, man. I gotta tell Lila. He doesn’t know she’s here. What if he-”

“Do not even go there,” Travis warns. His tone leaves no room for argument. “You just got him. You are not gonna lose him.”

Jack doesn’t really know what to say after that. He just stares aimlessly out the window, hoping that somehow what became one of the best days of his life doesn’t end as one of the worst.


	7. breathing black and white

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! This update was brought to you by Coca-Cola fumes, a time crunch between shifts, and the high that comes from reading wonderful comments. Thank you all!
> 
> I didn't want to stop where I did, but I really wanted to get something up before I have to go to work, so here it is! I hope you enjoy :)

No. 19: Can I hold your hand?

When they pull straight past the Command Center and on to a local hospital, Jack tries his absolute hardest not to completely lose his shit. This means that Eddie was worse than he thought, if they can’t help him at triage.

“Don’t do that,” Travis tells him. 

“What am I gonna tell Lila?”

“Until we know what’s going on, there’s nothing _to_ tell her. Nothing concrete, anyway.”

Jack huffs out a hard breath. He knows Travis makes a point, but he can’t shake it. Lila needs to know. As they pull into the hospital parking lot, Jack pulls his phone out of his turnouts, resolutely ignoring Travis’ half-exasperated, half-indulgent look.

_We’re all at Saint Andrew’s hospital. I’m alright, but you need to get here as soon as you can. I’ll explain later_. 

\-----

The waiting room is very quickly overrun with firefighters. There aren’t many chairs to go around, but that doesn’t seem to matter. All of Eddie’s crew is pacing in different circles; Jack’s crew is standing at attention in different points around the perimeter of the room, keeping watch. Buck is in the back with Eddie. No one has been out yet to tell them anything.

Jack is vibrating with the force of his adrenaline collapse. Just as he’s starting to feel his knees buckle under him, Travis maneuvers him into a barely padded chair, then sitting down next to him. Jack’s pretty sure Travis shares a look with the others because suddenly Travis kneels in front of him as Ben and Dean take the seats on either side. Maya, Vic, and Andy finish their little huddle, all looking at him with this unreadable expression on their faces, but Jack knows they’ve got his back.

If only he could stop shaking.

Jack feels Travis’ hand on his knee, and feels the tension in his muscles fade, if only fractionally.

“C-Can I hold your hand?” Jack whispers, voice wet from starting to cry. Travis doesn’t answer, just grips Jack’s hand like a vice. The look on his face is enough: _I’m not going anywhere_.

“Jack,” Maya asks eventually. “What happened out there?”

Travis looks at him, and Jack knows what he’s thinking. _You want to tell them?_ Jack takes a deep breath and nods almost imperceptibly, but he grips Travis’ hand even harder to ground him.

“Eddie’s my brother,” he blurts out, because that’s the easiest version of the truth and right now he doesn’t have the capacity for complicated.

That gets the others’ attention.

“Eddie’s your _what?_ ” Hen asks incredulously as she, Chimney, and Bobby stop dead in their tracks to join the group.

“I thought you brother’s name was Cal,” Andy said.

“Trust me, they’re the same person. I guess he changed his name at some point.”

“Then how do you know Eddie is your brother?” Chim asked. “You didn’t recognize him when we were at the Command Center, did you?”

Jack laughs wetly. “No, I didn’t. I didn’t know it was him until we were in the truck on the way to the second neighborhood. Buck said something that made him laugh and that’s what did it. But he knew it was me right away- he told me right before the tree hit him. That’s why I was freaking out.”

“Wow,” is all Ben can say. The others seem to agree.

Vic looks to the 126. “Eddie never mentioned being in foster care when he was a kid?”

Bobby shakes his head. “Never. He mentioned he lived in Seattle when he was a kid, but as far as I knew, he lived in Texas with Christopher until two years ago.” Hen and Chim nod their agreement.

“Who’s watching Christopher?” Jack asks, suddenly fiercely protective of the nephew he’s never met.

“Carla, a family friend. I’m waiting to call her until we know for sure what’s going on with Eddie. As far as she knows, we’re still on shift. No need to worry Christopher until we have to. The kid’s been through enough.” Bobby doesn’t elaborate, but that’s not what’s still bothering Jack.

“Do you think Buck knew?”

“Knew what? That my husband’s brother is out here, probably losing his mind?” Buck asks, suddenly appearing in the mouth of the waiting room. Jack jumps to his feet immediately, bringing Travis with him. “Yeah, I knew. He told me a long time ago. Come on, he’s asking for you.”

“Buck-” Hen asks, but he cuts her off before she can panic.

“He’s gonna be just fine, don’t worry. I’ll explain in a bit. Jack, come on.” And with that, Jack follows Buck down the hallway. Realizing the death grip he still has on Travis’ hand, Jack starts to laugh.

“Is this what you do now? Escort the rest of the team to hospital bedsides?”

Travis laughs with him, then shrugs. “I go where I’m needed.”

The exchange settles the rattling in his chest, and Jack is finally able to let go of his friend. “When Lila gets here, would you send her up?”

“Sure,” Travis smiles, before turning back to head to the waiting room.

Buck turns to him, his eyes wide. “ _Lila?_ You found her?”

“More like she found me. It happened a few weeks ago. She’s an EMT, so she came down with us. She’s at the Command Center. I told her to meet us here, but she hasn’t responded yet.

“Buck...how bad is it?”

Buck takes a deep breath. “Looks worse than it is. He’s got a pretty bad bump on his head, but it’s not a concussion. He’s got a broken leg and some broken ribs from the tree landing on him, but that’s it. Bones heal. He’ll be fine in a few weeks.”

“But- but he was still out when we pulled out-”

“He woke up in the ambulance. The first thing he did was ask for you. They actually had to give him a sedative so he didn’t knick his lung. He woke up again a few minutes ago and asked me to come get you.” Seeing Jack’s still haunted expression, he adds “Trust me, if he was in worse shape, there is no way in hell I would have left him. He’s gonna be okay, Jack.”

From just down the hall he can hear Eddie’s voice calling “Jack?”

Buck turns him around the corner and sure enough, there’s Eddie, propped up in bed with his leg in a sling, and a huge smile on his face. Jack can feel his whole face light up at the sight of his brother. Without even thinking, Jack stalks over to his bedside and takes Eddie’s hand practically collapsing in the seat he’s sure Buck was occupying only minutes before.

Eddie tears his eyes away from Jack for a moment to look at his husband.

“Thanks, babe,” he says around a smile. Buck blushes, and waves him off. 

“I’ll go call Carla and let the others know what’s going on. Knowing our kid, be prepared for an ambush by a nine-year old.”

Eddie laughs. “And some slightly older nine-year-olds. I know how this works.”

Buck meets his gaze with a warm smile before stepping out of the room. Eddie follows him with his eyes for a few seconds before getting lost in space.

“Wow, you really _are_ gone on him, huh?”

“Hey I have no shame. My man is hot.” 

They start to laugh, only to get interrupted by Eddie grabbing his side and his eyes pinching shut in pain. He settles back into the bed, looking up at Jack with those same lost brown eyes he had when they were kids.

“I’m sorry it took so long to find you,” Jack says, gripping Eddie’s hand a little harder when he squeezes it.

“I’m sorry too,” Eddie laments, still lost.

“Eddie, what happened after that night? How did you end up down here?” Jack doesn’t ask why he didn’t tell his crew- this stuff is personal, and doesn’t always bring up good memories. To Jack, it sounded like coming to LA with Christopher was a chance at a fresh start. But Eddie was his _brother_ ; if he could share it with anyone besides his husband, it would be Jack.

Eddie doesn’t speak for a while. Jack doesn’t push him- he can see Eddie trying to piece together everything; find the best place to start going through 20 years of painful and happy memories.

“After that night, I got moved around to a bunch of different group homes- I was barely ever ina place long enough to remember an address before they were shipping me off to the next one. Somehow, I got placed with an adoptive family. They seemed nice enough, I guess, but they changed my name without really asking me and when I tried to tell them that that would make it harder to find you and Lila, they didn’t care. They told me they were my family now, and that I could forget everything that had happened to me. But I didn’t want to.

“Then they moved us down to Texas. I tried to get back to Seattle a bunch of times in the beginning, but they kept catching me. It got harder. Then I started playing the waiting game. I left home the second I turned 18, and joined up. 

“A few years later, when I was home for a spell, I met Shannon. We were young and dumb and thought that lust was enough to carry us through. It wasn’t, but we tried our best when we found out about Christopher. I took another tour to help provide financial support, and then another after he was born to help with medical bills. He was diagnosed with cerebral palsy when he was a baby, and we couldn’t afford all the therapies on our own, even with insurance.

“But I was away so often and for so long when he was little, that he barely recognized me when I was home. Shannon had had enough of being alone while I was gone so she had gone back to my parents for help. After my last tour, she completely took off. My parents tried to take custody, but I fought like hell for him and got us both out of there. I promised Christopher I would never leave him alone again like that.

“LA was exactly what we both needed- I got into the fire academy, and then the 126, and Christopher has a great new school with a bunch of friends. Then I met Evan, and everything fell into place; it’s like he was put on this Earth to be part of our family. Shannon showed up a few months ago, before we got married, trying to get between us, but there was no way I would ever turn my back on him. But then she died in an accident and now Christopher is scared of something happening to me. Which, I guess it did.

“And then I found you. And that’s where I am.”

Jack takes a few minutes, trying to soak it all in.

“Why did you decide to keep the name your parents gave you?”

Eddie shrugs. “I couldn’t afford to change it. Then, I was registered with the military. Now, I like how it sounds when Evan says it. So I guess it’s not too bad.”

Then, a thought occurs to Eddie. “Jack, what are we going to do now? I mean, I just got you back. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’re not going to lose me.” Jack’s tone leaves no room for argument.

“Okay, so _how_ are we going to do this? I love LA; I don’t want to leave. I’m not doing that- not to Chris, not to Evan. I’m not leaving the 126.”

“I would never ask you to, Eddie. There’s no way I would leave Seattle, either. Not while I’m still with 19.”

Eddie doesn’t look at all reassured by this.

“Hey,” Jack says, squeezing Eddie’s hand until he looks him in the eye. “You are not going to lose me, little brother. I promise. Siblings make long distance work all the time. We can still do that. We can travel for holidays, we can call all the time. It’ll be okay.”

With his free hand, Jack reaches for his phone and gives it to Eddie. “Give me your number. Hell, give me Evan’s, too. He’s my family, now. I want to be abel to get in touch with you guys after I leave.”

But Eddie doesn’t really seem to be hearing him.

“Eddie? You okay?”

Eddie turns the phone screen so Jack can see, his eyes giving Jack a hopeful and pleading expression as he reads the message that just came through.

 _From Lila: Got a ride as soon as you texted me. I’m here and I’m coming up_.

From out in the hall, the pair can hear the distinct sound of several pairs of boots running towards them, probably belonging to their incredibly impatient family.

“Jack?” Eddie asks, disbelieving.

Jack smiles. “Man, do I have a surprise for you.”


	8. colored in again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the SUPER long hiatus there, friends. But I am glad to finally wrap up this story. It was an absolutely pleasure to write, and I hope you like it. One day I would love to expand this series, and I think the ending I've crafted leaves that door open, but I've learned that I suck at sticking to plans. So instead of promising more, I present to you the conclusion of this story and the possibility that I will return to the crossover universe in the future. Until then, happy reading!
> 
> (After all, both 9-1-1 and 9-1-1: Lone Star come back next week. Maybe inspiration will strike...)

No. 26: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to

A minute later, Buck is knocking gently on the door, peeking his head in before opening it wider behind him.

“Hey babe,” he says, smiling at his husband. “I’ve got someone here to see you.”

Lila comes through the doorway hesitant at first, until she locks eyes with Eddie and practically runs to the bed, crashing into him. Jack sees Eddie wince in pain, but then he’s hugging her tight against his chest, tucking his head into the crook of her neck as they rock back and forth a little.

Outside, Jack can hear the low rumble of two crews of firefighters eager to burst through the door. He loves them all, he really does. And he loves how easily they’ve accepted one another with all the revelations this crazy day has brought. But if he’s honest, Jack can’t really handle everyone else right now. He just wants a minute to be with Eddie and Lila. Buck, being Buck, can tell exactly what Jack is thinking.

“Don’t even worry about them right now. They love you, and they’re anxious to see you, but we all know you guys need some time together right now. Carla just let me know that she’s on her way with Christopher, so I’ll bring everyone back to the waiting area to wait for them. Text me when you guys are ready.”

As Buck turns to leave, Jack grabs him by the arm and hauls him in for a tight hug. After recovering from the shock, Buck returns the hug just as hard, his strong grip an instant comfort for Jack’s frayed nerves.

“Thank you,” Jack whispers into Buck’s shoulder, trying to ignore the way his voice shakes.

“That’s what family is for,” he whispers back, keeping his hold on Jack until the rattled firefighter finally finds it within himself to let go. With a pat on the shoulder and a parting look to Eddie, Buck quietly exited the room, leaving Jack alone with his siblings.

For the first time in 20 years.

\-----

After Buck leaves, Jack joins Eddie and Lila, taking the seat opposite the one Lila has occupies. Eddie is still murmuring soothing words into her ear. She can’t hear them, but they used to do this all the time when they were kids. Eddie was the youngest of all of them, but he was always just as willing to calm Lila down when she was having nightmares as Jack, and something about the feeling of his chest vibrating against her always managed to settle Lila’s fear. Seeing a scene like this for the first time in over two decades leaves Jack’s heart aching for how much time they lost as a family. But more than that, he’s glad to see just how easily they’re able to fall back into their old routines.

It’s almost like no time has passed at all. They’re all awake, and they never have to fear being separated again.

Jack reaches out and runs his hand across Lila’s back in soothing circles. The three of them stay like that- no words needed, just each other- for what could be minutes or could be hours, until Lila’s head finally perks up. Her eyes are red-rimmed from crying, but they’re also the brightest and bluest Jack has ever seen them, and his heart starts to burst all over again.

He never believed he would ever get this, get his family, back together again. He hoped for it, but he was sure that something would get in the way, and he would never find his way back to Eddie and Lila. But now, Lila is looking between the two of them and starts laughing in pure delight, and nothing matters outside of this room, because Jack has everything he’s ever going to need.

They talk for a long time after that, especially Lila and Eddie as they catch each other up on the stories they’ve already had the chance to share with Jack. As they talk, something comes up that makes the three stop and think: what do they do now? Jack’s had separate conversations with Lila and Eddie about this, about staying together, about not getting split up again no matter where they are on the globe. Jack and Eddie have deep roots in Seattle and LA; they can’t just leave. Lila, on the other hand, hasn’t had a chance to settle much of anywhere. If she stayed up in Seattle with Jack, would that mean she was abandoning Eddie? Picking one brother over the other?

But now they have to think in terms of logistics, and actual plans. There are two crews of firefighters outside their door, and an anxious nine-year-old wanting to see his dad. They don’t have the room for hypotheticals.

_“We could take a few weeks off,”_ Jack proposes. _“Get reacquainted. Settle back in, get to know Evan and Christopher. We could help around the house while you’re laid up. When you’re better, we head back to Seattle. It’s not a permanent solution, but we could see where to go from there.”_

Eddie and Lila nod in agreement. 

_“Maybe monthly visits? I’m sure Chris would love to see some art museums in Seattle.”_ Eddie says.

Lila perks up at that, as she settles herself back into her seat from where she had been situated on the edge of Eddie’s bed. _“Oh yeah? Got a little artist on your hands?”_

Eddie chuckles. _“Oh yeah, kid’s got a gift. My kitchen table will never recover.”_

Jack and Lila laugh too, until Eddie makes an indignant expression towards Lila, who is currently punching him lightly on his good leg.

_“You. Complete._ Ass _, Eddie Diaz. You don’t get to scare me like that. Neither of you do,”_ she tells Jack, leveling him with a glare. 

Both brothers hold their hands up in an expression of surrender.

_“I’m sorry, Lila. I didn’t mean to. But I can’t say it won’t happen again.”_

She nods her head in defeat. _“I know, but it’s my job as the big sister to remind you, even though there’s no point.”_

Jack groans. _“You are_ barely- _”_

“DADDY!” screams a young boy as he pushed his way through the door on his bright green crutches. Christopher. He’s got Eddie’s hair and his eyes, and definitely the fire in his belly as he storms over to his father, Jack quickly vacating his seat to make room for him.

“Sorry, babe. You know our kid- he waits for no-one when his dads are involved,” Buck says sheepishly from where he’s ducked his head in the doorway.

“And neither do his aunts and uncles!” Jack can hear Hen call from the hallway.

_“Looks like you’re a pretty popular guy,”_ Jack chuckles as everyone pours into the room. Buck helps Eddie lift Christopher onto the bed and kisses them each on the forehead.

“You have no idea,” Bobby stage-whispers conspiratorially. 

_“What do you mean, Cap?”_ Eddie asks, confused.

Just then, three more men enter the room: a middle-aged firefighter, and a firefighter and cop, both in their late twenties. They’re smiling brightly, clearly very happy to see Eddie.

“Grandpa and Uncle TK and Uncle Carlos came to see you, Dad! They wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“That was really nice of them, mijo, don’t you think?” Eddie asks his son, stroking a hand through his curly hair.

“Dad, TK, these are Jack’s crew from Station 19 up in Seattle. They came in to help with the wildfires. Everyone, this my Dad, Owen Strand, my brother TK, and his boyfriend Carlos. They just flew in from Austin.” Buck explains.

“You got here pretty fast,” Vic says, surprised.

“We came to help out with the fires, too. See if we could lend LAFD or LAPD any assistance. We didn’t hear that Eddie was hurt until we landed. We came straight from the airport.” Owen says, but if Jack knows anything, it’s how to read people. He knows there are things that Owen isn’t saying.

“Well, we’re glad you guys are here, because it looks like Eddie and Jack are going to be out for a little while,” Bobby says, extending his hand to the other men in greeting.

“Cap?” Eddie asks, confused.

“Take some time, Eddie. You’re hurt, and you just got the rest of your family back. It’s okay to take a break sometimes.”

“We’ve been trying to convince Jack of the same thing,” Maya adds, looking at Jack with an understanding smile.

Jack, Lila, and Eddie look at each other and smile. After all this time, they’ve finally managed to find each other. They have their family back, and now they have an amazing extended family, too. People who are willing to help them, protect them, and look out for them. Growing up on the street, Jack always knew that blood was only one way to make a family. But looking around, he knows that he has the most important thing it takes to connect people, and he has it in spades.

Love.


	9. epilogue: call it all pretend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi so apparently I was not done with this particular story until just now. You should all know by now that I'm a liar. Enjoy the epilogue!
> 
> A sequel of sorts is coming, which I can only say with certainty because I already wrote the first few hundred (thousand?) words on the backs of old receipts at work. That story will be from Buck's perspective, and should be up before too long (but again, please don't hold me to that. My brain is a traitorous bitch when it comes to sticking with plans). 
> 
> Happy reading!

**epilogue: call it all pretend**

The rest of the day was filled with the crews trading stories impossible stories back and forth, form 19’s skyscraper fire, to 118’s experience with the earthquake and tsunami, to Captain Strand waxing poetic about TK’s heroics during the solar flare. TK just stood there blushing, tucking his face into the side of Carlos’ neck while Carlos did his best to hide his laughter.

The room was full of healthy competition and banter between the crews, but soon enough the nurses were calling the end of visitor hours and urging all the non-family visitors from the room with a collections of groans and a promise to call later that night since Eddie was still on concussion watch and Jack was technically there on assignment. But that could wait for the night.

“Come on, Superman, it’s _way_ past your bedtime,” Carla chided gently as she went to pick the boy up form his place on the bed.

“But _Daaaad_ ,” he moaned in that way only a nine-year-old can.

“Come on, _mijo_ , you know better than to disobey Carla. The doctors just want to keep me here tonight to make sure I’m okay. I’ll see you in the morning, alright?”

Christopher sighed, clearly defeated and probably exhausted. He leaned in to give Eddie a hug. “Alright, Dad. I love you.”

Eddie chuckled. “I love you too, _mijo_.”

And with that, Carla carried him away, leaving Jack, Eddie, Lila, Buck, Owen, TK, and Carlos all huddled around the bed.

“How are you feeling, Eddie?” Owen asked.

“Well enough to know you’re full of crap,” he shot back, shocking Jack and Lila a bit, but clearly Buck and Eddie were on the same page about something.

“Yeah, Dad, why are you guys really here? If you were really here to help out with the fires in an official capacity, your whole house would be here, like Jack’s. So tell us the truth. You were already in the air when I called you about Eddie getting hurt, so what made you come all the way out here?”

Owen and TK shared a look before the older man spoke up. “We suspect there might be some connection between the wildfires here and some arson activities in Austin.”

_“What?!”_ Eddie asked incredulously, before wincing and lying back in bed. Clearly, he was still in a lot of pain, no matter how hard he tried to pretend that he was fine. The second his eyes got tight, Jack and Lila were on their feet fussing over him.

“I’m alright, I’m alright,” he told them, offering a placating look to Buck, whose own expression was uneasy at the thought of his husband in pain. Eventually Eddie was able to convince Jack and Lila to sit back down and let Owen continue.

“We’re not sure, but there’s enough similarity to some cases we’ve seen in Austin for our chief of police to get antsy. Lucky for her, there were two local firefighters with connections to Austin and LA police and fire departments. It made the most sense for the three of us to come out and act as liaisons in an official capacity, so we got the clearance we needed and got on a plane.”

Lila looked between all of them curiously before settling on Jack, her eyebrow raised in suspicion.

“So let me get this straight- Jack and I meet up in Seattle, only to come down to LA and literally stumble onto our other brother. He gets hurt, and who rushes to his bedside but his husband’s family, who were already on their way here with news that the wildfires he got hurt fighting might actually be connected to an ongoing arson investigation in Austin?”

TK nodded, unphased. “Yup. Sounds about right.”

Jack and Lila shared another look, but this time the expression they shared was one of guilt.

“Jack, what are we going to do?” Lila asked.

“What do you mean?”

“What I _mean_ is that we’ve got to get back to Seattle soon, but this hueg case just opened up down here, right in Eddie’s lap. We’ve got to help!”

“No, what you need to do is get some rest,” Owen argued, his tone leaving no room for arguments. “Eddie’s gonna be laid up anyways. You three, you’re to heal and reconnect while the rest of us sort out this mess. Who knows, with our luck, there’s probably going to be something connecting this whole mess to organized crime in Seattle by the time we sort through everything, so having connections to 2 public servants will probably help us anyway.”

“Besides,” TK cut in, “We still have to interrogate this Chimney guy, make sure he’s good enough for Maddie. It’ss probably be hilarious, I’d hate for you to miss it.”

“Dude, the guy literally survived a piece of rebar going straight through his skull and walked away from it with just a scar. I don’t know why you think he’ll be afraid of you,” Eddie laughed. TK and Owen just looked determined.

“That’s because he’s never seen the two of us in action before,” TK whispered conspiratorially.

_“Madre de Dios,”_ Carlos muttered.

“I’m sorry, go back, did you say rebar? Through the _brain?!_ ” Lila asked, blue eyes big with shock, which only made the others laugh harder until the strain showed on Eddie’s face again, forcing them all to sober.

“Alright, alright. It’s been a long day. Eddie’s gonna be here overnight, so why don’t I drop Jack and Lila back at base to get their teams up to speed, and I’ll bring Dad, TK, and Carlos back to our place. We’ll figure out the rest tomorrow. Sound good?” Buck asked, looking around the room. He was met with a chorus of tired nods.

As the all got ready to part ways for the night, Jack couldn’t help but wonder just what it was that he was walking into. But if Eddie and Lila were part of it, he knew there was no way he would ever walk away.

Not from family. Not ever.


End file.
